Koto Music

I never should have admitted to Jesse that I took koto lessons when I was young. She found it in my closet though, and I was stuck.

“Why, it’s perfect!” she shouted. “We’ll set you up as a musician, and I can be a waitress, and Meowth can be a waiter…”

“Jesse, I haven’t played the koto in years. I’m a disgrace to the instrument!”

“Like the twerps would know any different! You worry too much. Just leave it to me.”

I sat there for a while weighing the pros and cons of the deal. I’d make myself look like an idiot, and we’d get blasted off again. On the other hand, Meowth would be totally humiliated, and I’d get to see Jesse in some kind of sexy waitress outfit.

“Fine,” I said. “I’ll do it.”

“Great!” replied Jesse. “I’ll find a place and invite the twerps. And get some smoke bombs.”

“Smoke bombs? Jesse, this is starting to sound bizarre…”

“Well using Weezing has never worked that well.”

I couldn’t argue with that. But would the twerps even show up?

“Why would they come to a party if they don’t even know the people hosting it?” I asked.

“Well, they always do; I guess they hate to admit how unpopular they really are.”

I laughed. Then it hit me that we never went to any parties that we didn’t throw ourselves. I got a little depressed thinking about it, and went into the other room to practice the koto.

The next day Jessie told me she had booked a penthouse suite for the party.

“A penthouse suite? You’ve got to be kidding. We’re broke!”

“Relax, James, I charged it to the boss, like always.”

“Jess, he told us to knock that off! He wouldn’t even let me charge a yarn ball for Meowth.”

“Why did you want to buy that fleabag a yarn ball?”

“To get him out of the way for a few minutes so you and I could… um… talk…” I shouldn’t have answered the question.

Jesse was looking at me strangely. “We’re talking now, James.”

“And it’s been fun, too! Bye now!” I ran out of the room before I could embarrass myself further.

The next night I put on a kimono to play the koto. It just didn’t seem right otherwise, even though I was going to interrupt my performance rather quickly to steal Pokemon. Jesse wore an extremely slinky dress and had put up her hair. Meowth worse a bowtie and complained constantly until Jesse hit him in the head. Then he complained about his head.

“Aren’t they going to suspect something when they see Meowth?” I asked.

“They usually don’t,” insisted Jesse. “As long as he doesn’t talk, it should be fine.”

“Who all did you invite?” I asked.

“Well, I invited some wanna-be rockets who were hanging around headquarters, just to make it look like a real party. They’re going to clear out early, just before I lock the doors to trap everyone. And I invited Nurse Joy.”

“Nurse Joy! You’ve got to be kidding!”

“Well, I figured she would distract Brock considerably. And she’ll definitely lend that touch of authenticity to the proceedings,” said Jesse.

“And she’ll come in handy after we get blasted off again,” I muttered. But I didn’t want to say it out loud. I like to see Jesse excited about projects, even if they are doomed.

When I got to the penthouse and set the koto up, I had to admit I was impressed. The place looked like a classy restaurant. (And Jesse looked excellent).

I began to play, hoping the “guests” wouldn’t recognize a beginner’s koto piece when they heard it.

Everyone went well at first. Four not-quite-rockets showed up, looking vaguely thuggish but not too frightening. Nurse Joy came next, smiling at everyone.

After that came Ash, Misty, and Brock. They were dressed in the exact same clothes they always wear, and they did look around suspiciously. But pretty soon Ash and Misty were loading up on snacks and Brock was staring at Nurse Joy and any other female who passed in front of him. Nurse Joy seemed to stare mostly at me. I tried not to blush. Maybe she’s just a big fan of koto music.

Finally I saw Jesse give a signal to the junior thugs and they slipped out the door. Jesse went and locked the door that led to the elevator and went to stand in front of the door that led to the emergency stairs. I continued to play and no one seemed to suspect anything until Jesse shouted, “Prepare for trouble!” and threw a smoke bomb toward the twerps.

I found out an important fact that day: Smoke bombs are not intended for indoor use. The room filled up rapidly with thick smoke. I could barely breathe to say the rest of the motto, and everyone was coughing too loud to hear it anyway.

Misty thought there was a fire and called out her water pokemon to soak everything. Brock called out Onix for no reason that I could figure out, and Ash was trying to get Pikachu to thundershock random targets. (Fortunately Pikachu was too smart too actually do it, or the situation would have been even more chaotic and dangerous than it was).

It took a long time for the smoke to clear even partially. Gradually I began to see that the room had been totally destroyed. Even my koto was shattered. But all the twerps were still conscious and Pikachu was sitting defiantly on Ash’s shoulder, glaring at me.

No one else seemed seriously injured either, so my next thought was to run out before we were attacked or caught. I soon realized that would be impossible.

The elevator doors had been blown open and the cable was sliced through. Starmie’s work, probably. Onix blocked the emergency stairs. Judging by his struggles, he was stuck there.

I went over to stand near Jesse, who had Arbok out and was looking for someone to hurt. I convinced her to put Arbok back in the pokeball but she was still upset at our failure. (I wasn’t even surprised, after all this time.)

“This is all your fault!” she yelled.

“How do you figure that?” I asked.

“Oh, O.K., maybe for once it’s… the twerps’ fault! How did that Onix get stuck in the stairway? Somebody had better make it stop before it knocks holes in the wall!”

Meowth went over and patted Onix on the face. “Calm down, now… we can call the fire department or somebody to get us all out of here.”

Nurse Joy got a cell phone out of her purse and proceeded to do just that. Well, at least we weren’t going to be trapped here with the twerps forever.

Of course the twerps by this point had finally realized what had happened, and began yelling and screaming at us. I tried to point out that as always, they had their Pikachu and not too much to complain about, but they somehow didn’t appreciate that.

Onix looked like he might be calming down a little. Meowth said, “Say, Onix, did you ever hear the one about the three Beedrills who go into a bar?”

Nurse Joy was finishing up her phone call. “They’ll do their best, but since we aren’t in any immediate danger, this could take hours. And I can’t believe that nice koto player was in on this. I’m shocked, he seems like such a nice man!”

“I’m a very nice man,” I said. “I just fell into bad company.”

Jesse hit me in the head, and Meowth fury swiped me across the face.

“I can see that you did!” replied Nurse Joy. “Here, let me get that…”

She opened a little medical kit and began dabbing some antiseptic on the scratches, saying, “There, there, those nasty friends of yours shouldn’t hurt you like that.”

Then she began searching my head for a bump. She seemed a bit ditsy, but I was enjoying the attention.

I could hear Brock talking to his friends in the corner.

“What’s he got that I haven’t got?”

Misty looked at him sympathetically, “Brock, I don’t think I could explain it in a way you’d understand.”

Jesse came over and tapped Nurse Joy on the shoulder. “Hey, Joy, how about you go run your fingers through somebody else’s hair.”

Brock looked up hopefully and started whining but Nurse Joy ignored him and sat down in the corner.

Misty and Ash had begun a game of cards.

“Quit making new rules, Ash! There is no such thing as the Slapjack Expansion Pack!”

Jesse began whispering to me urgently. “How are we going to get out of this? We’re going to get arrested for sure this time!”

“Well, I imagine Nurse Joy will convince them to let me go, but I don’t know about you two.” Jesse sat there with the fan, evidently trying to decide if it was worth hitting me again. She looked over at Nurse Joy and evidently decided not to.

Finally we heard the sounds of someone coming up the steps a few floors down. Onix was gradually pushed through the doorway, followed by several firemen.

“All right people, lets figure out what went on here,” the fireman began.

The twerps started yelling about “Team Rocket” and “Jesse and James”. Nurse Joy was pointing at me and began to speak.

Jesse said in a bitter voice, “Well, here’s your chance to save yourself.”

She really thought I would do that?

I took a deep breath and grabbed her hand and Meowth’s paw. I then screamed “You’ll never take me alive!” and pulled them both down the elevator shaft.

Fortunately they had begun to fix the elevator, so we bounced off equipment and ladders rather than splatting at the bottom. Before I had time to regret my stupidity, we had landed bruised and bloody on top of the elevator.

“That was the stupidest…” began Jesse.

“Let’s just get outta here!” yelled Meowth. And we climbed out the door on the next floor, went down the stairs, and ran home limping.

When we got home Jesse pulled me into her room and started yelling at me again. “What kind of stupid idiotic stunt was that? ‘You’ll never take me alive’? What got into you?”

“I suppose you’d rather I’d run off with Nurse Joy!” I replied.

“That ditz! I can’t believe you sat there and let her touch you like that!”

I shrugged. “It was better than getting hit in the head.”

Jesse actually looked a little guilty.

I went on, “But if you’d like to volunteer to run your fingers through my hair, I wouldn’t object.”

Jesse blushed, and I took the opportunity to lean down and give her a kiss.

She blushed even more and backed away a little. “Maybe we’d better go check on Meowth,” she said.

“No problem,” I replied, “He’s just outside the door, eavesdropping.”

I opened the door suddenly and Meowth fell in, screeching.

“Next time we’ll buy a yarn ball,” said Jesse.

I winked at her. If there was going to be a next time, I had no complaints.

The End